Friday, January 29, 2016

The final countdown is on

I debated for .02 seconds about titling this just "The Final Countdown" but that seemed too Europe-esq for tonight's post. And my explanation was even lamer.

In other news...

We're in the last hour of "Daddy is gone all week and Mommy is about to lose her freaking mind". As Drew has traveled for work for three weeks out of the last 8, I'm getting better at holding my ish together... not really. That's a lie. Here's what I've learned in the weeks that he's been gone:

  1. I have no desire to ever be a single mom. Props to all the moms who do it by choice or circumstance but I haven't the patience
  2. I have no where near enough patience to deal with both my spawn for a week at a time without their paternal figure
  3. My mom is amaze-balls and I regret all the times I yelled at her growing up, that one time I smacked her on the head and any negative things I have ever said behind her back. All three weeks my mom has up and moved in with us for the week and has been my saving grace.
4. When a 3 year old screams at you for 5.75 of the 6 waking hours you are with her, you will start to think your brain is seeping out of your ears. When 1.5 of those hours are spent stuck in the car with the screamer, you will start to wish the seepage would occur faster.
5. Going to bed at 8:30 pm is only pathetic if you're getting more than 5 hours of sleep a night. Ergo, it's totally legit for me
6. I have no desire to ever be a single mom

And now I shall sit on the couch, watching Teen Mom, until Drew gets home... so I can go to bed.

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

So much

As I dabble back into this blog of mine, I feel like I can't quite do it justice. There is so much going on these days, so much that has happened since September where blogging took the backseat to much more pressing demands such as crazy-intense grad school work, children who didn't don't sleep, and the logistics of two young, needy children and just one Amanda. 

I have all these ideas, thoughts, and memories that I want to record in this space of mine for posterity's sake... but when I sit down to write, I don't even know where to start. It's as though 3-plus months of writing only about the impact of a reading workshop instructional model on student achievement and motivation to read has sapped me of the creative, witty, repartee that was once my (imagined) forte. 

In the past several months, I've lost a lot of myself as I focused so intently on the needs of others and my teaching work and school work. I tried to explain to Drew in one tear-filled meltdown of a night that I don't feel like there's any me left. There's the part of me that is a teacher, the part that is a grad school student, the part that is mom, the part that tries to take care of everything... and in all of those parts there's been no time for the thing I enjoy, or even time to just be me.

As I'm settling into my final grad school class (that mystical light at the end of the tunnel), and Bentley is starting to sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time, I'm making a goal to focus more on me and do more of the things that make me feel like an actual human being in my own right. Because that person feels pretty lost right now, and that's not a good-feeling place to be in.
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