Thursday, March 31, 2011

I eat my feelings...

...and anything else I can get ahold of...

J/K... kinda

I try, really I do, but I've got an unhealthy relationship with food, and I blame my mom (who doesn't?). My mom has been overweight most of my life (though she was a skinny-mini pre-me) and I think that has colored how I view food. My mom was always dieting, cheating on a diet, or trying not to  cheat on a diet. She would go through phases where she ate really well and made us healthy dinners... and then we would all binge when suddenly there was tons of junk food in the house. 

This has transferred into my adult life. When I started buying my own food and being responsible for my own meals... I totally packed on the lbs. College was not friendly towards my waistband. Of course, Drew is no help... he is my enabler/encourager/partner in crime of bad eating. We love us our junk food, ice cream (case in point, about an hour ago we went to Hannaford's cuz we "really needed" some Ben & Jerry's, right) and other junk. 

Now, you gotta give us credit, we are SOOOOO much better than we used to be. We are much better at making meals and limiting our binges... but I still feel like a failure.

I am afflicted with 2 major eating issues. 1) I eat my feelings and 2) I am a mindless eater BAD COMBINATION!!!! I look to food when I am happy/sad/mad/lonely... you name it, if I feel it, I eat. And OF COURSE I don't eat healthy foods in those situations, nope I eat junk. Even when I'm not feeling anything, I will sit in front of the tv and munch, not realizing how much I've mowed down half a bag of chips, AND I WASN'T EVEN HUNGRY TO BEGIN WITH!!! 

I was successful last spring, where the South Beach Diet helped me lose close to 30 pounds BUT, I was miserable. The lack of carbs made me cranky, tired, and gave me major stomach pains. So for a little while I was on Amanda-modified South Beach which meant I ate as few carbs as possible without making me hate life. Well, slowly that has morphed into my current state of eating healthy all day... and then eating crap when I get home from work {sigh}. 

I guess my point in this rambling/griping post is that I wish I had more self-control... and that I'm trying to work on it, but it is so hard because I grew up thinking of food in an unhealthy way, and It's hard to overcome years of training in that area.

1 comment:

  1. Wow, I am totally feeling you on this one! I learned too from a young age that food was all about FUN and would make me happy..Now after 10+ years of being overweight, I'm finally doing something about it. So I totally get it and am here if you ever wanna talk!! :D


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