Friday, July 1, 2011

Not only am I lazy... I'm paranoid too

I seem to be airing out all my dirty laundry here lately. The other day I blogged about my intense laziness... well today it is time for me to admit to one of my other faults areas that need improvement. 

I worry... I worry, I stress, and I'm anxious. All. The. Freaking. Time. It's killing me and it is a major problem in my marriage. I'm not even picky about what I stress about. The other day I noticed a mole that Drew had. It looked a little funny to me, so I asked him to get it checked. Well, of course, Drew hates doctors, so he refused to go. Which in turn freaked me out and sent me into a tizzy about how he needs to be healthier and take care of himself because I would be completely lost without him. No joke, we got in a huge fight because I couldn't stop worrying and crying about something that (in all likelihood) is nothing. I know it's irrational... but I just can't stop. 

I am also paranoid about someone breaking into our house. Blame it on too many episodes of shows like Criminal Minds, but I can envision a multitude of horrendous ways in which an intruder could torture and/or kill me. Therefore, we sleep all the outside doors locked (obviously)... and our bedroom door locked. Yes, I get that this flimsy lock isn't going to keep out a determined predator, but it will give me a few extra seconds... what I will do with those extra seconds is totally a mystery to me as the only other ways out of our bedroom are windows that are three-stories off the ground, or climbing out the skylight onto the roof, but in my mind that extra time will help. I woke up in the middle of the night and had to search the room because I heard a noise... that noise was probably our ghetto AC unit protesting its continued usage. 

No matter how hard I try, I have these swirls of intense anxiety that go around and around in my head all day; what if something happens to Drew? What if something happens to Zoey? What if something happens to me? What if someone breaks in? What if I don't have a job in August? What if our house burns down? What if something happens to my parents? brother? sister? What if there's a tornado? earth quake? other natural disaster? no joke, the list goes on and on and on... and it drives both Drew and me crazy.

3 comments:

  1. Girl. you are NOT alone. I'm constantly worried about stuff like that too. Sometimes I wish I could just turn off my brain so I could relax a little...I have found alcohol DOES help. ha! ;) I'm here if you ever want to vent about crazy stuff because I'm sure I've thought the same stuff.

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  2. Oh man! I just need to BREATHE! All of your worrying has me worried! i have had those worries, but not in the same day.. week... or even year! Maybe try some deep breathing or something?
    (*I love Criminal Minds too!)

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  3. Actually, when you posted about laziness, it made me think of my husband, who has serious anxiety issues. (It runs in his family.) For him, they're totally connected--he gets so anxious about everything that he is too overwhelmed to actually tackle the things he wants to do around the house and just ends up procrastinating on them. He has intended several times to get tested for General Anxiety Disorder (but, of course, has put it off). Mostly what has helped us is having open communication about it so if something's not getting done I can sit down and help him with it or help him put together a schedule of small things to accomplish. This has made a big difference as he realizes that he does have some control over things if he handles them right.

    Good luck!

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