Friday, December 2, 2011

From the beginning

Were you surprised by today's earlier post?

I have been dying to blog about this for the 4 weeks that we have known, but obviously needed to wait until I told close friends and family first. Thus my lack of posting over the last couple of weeks. Thank you so much to my loyal readers who have stuck by me through my disappearance. I am so excited, and happy, and just waiting to share this with as many people as possible (hello, that IS the whole reason I have a blog!)

There is a LOT that went into this pregnancy, and it hasn't been all sunshine and daisies in my world as of late. I wanted to include the background to my pregnancy story because I know a lot of women struggle with the heartbreak of infertility and feeling like your body has betrayed you. I know my journey doesn't even compare to what other women have had to go through, and for that I truly thank God. Anyways, here is my story, most of it was written as it happened, the rest I have added in after to complete the details:

All I've ever wanted was to be a mom. I know it sounds cliche... but when I've envisioned my future it's always been as a mom who teaches. That was my (future) identity. I've always wanted kids, several of them, and lately have felt an incompleteness that only a baby could fill. However, clearly my dreams weren't meshing with reality.

The original plan (okay, my plan, Drew wasn't totally on board at this point, but he didn't try to stop me which in our world means he kinda supports it) was that we were going to start TTC in June 2011 with the expectation of having a baby in April or May 2012. That plan would allow me to stay home for maternity leave and into the summer vacation so that our baby wouldn't have to go to daycare or a babysitter for the first 5-6 months of his/her life. I'm a planner, I like to hash out the details because it helps me not feel anxious about things.

In order to fufill those plans, I went off the pill in January of 2011 with the idea that I would give my body 6 months to get the hormones out of my system and regulate my period which would make conceiving more accurate.

{April-June}You know what they say; we plan and God laughs... well God must have been rolling on the floor laughing at me all spring. First, I didn't get a period until April. Then in May I lost my job... then I didn't get another period at all. In June I went to the doctor who ran a bunch of tests (and ran up a sweet bill) and I was basically told at that point that I would probably ever be able to get preggers on my own. Awesome (there needs to be a font for sarcasm... I would totally overuse it). Needless to say I was devatated. I had all these plans and hopes and dreams... that had just been crushed.

{September}In September I finally decided that I should go back to the doctor since I still hadn't had a period. Enter tons more tests (and that awesome bruise I shared) and some meds that made me sick to my stomach. By this point I had a new job, things were steady... and Drew actually wasn't opposed to the idea of having a baby (keep in mind that he is a man who does not "do" feelings and baby-talk was too "feeling"-filled for his tastes. So while he only once told me that he wanted a baby, and he will deny that comment until the day he dies, I just felt like it was supposed to be our time...only my damn body wasn't working)

{October}
10/12/11 Had a medically-induced period that was Cuh-razy, and then headed back to the Doctors for a pelvic ultrasound (awk-ward!). They looked at my ovaries and my blood work. Blood work was normal, ovaries riddled with cycts. There were so many that it looked like one giant black blog on the ultrasound. Dispite that, my doctor said we could be ready to try some infertility treatments. She prescribed me Clomid, which is supposed to help the folicles on my ovaries develop and ovulate. My doctor prescribed the meds, but told me not to get my hopes up. She said that the meds would not be successful the first round, but that it would help them see how my body responded so they could adjust future meds. We struggled a little with doing this now, as all my treatments so have had been expensive as infertility treatment is not covered by health insurance (which I think is BS, my body was not working correctly, how is that not a medical issue? Regardless of it I was trying to concieve, I would still want my body to work the way it was supposed to and not having a period for 9 months, when not pregnant, is NOT normal), anyways, this stuff had been expensive. All the tests, blood work, and doctors appointments. We hesitated about doing the first round, as we couldn't be sure how much more we could afford. In the end, we agreed to give it a try. I swear, I have never loved my husband more then when he looked at me and said to do it. (That's a lie, I fell in love with him all over again when those two little pink lines showed up on the pregnancy test)
10/22/11- so I'm done with the Clomid... and just waiting to see what happens. Have I mentioned that I'm not a patient person? Cause I'm not. Every twinge, cramp, or blah feeling and I'm convinced  that a. I'm pregnant or b. I'm experiencing one of the rare side effects from the meds... in which I die (obviously).

10/27/11- Okay, I know this sounds really crazy, but my boobs hurt today (lol, I can't believe I'm going to post a blog about my boobs, I really have no shame). Of course I know it's way too soon to have any pregnancy symptoms. If I am pregnant, then I'm only like a week pregnant, there is no way I could have symptoms already... but they do hurt...

11/6/11- I couldn't wait any longer. My fertility app says not to test for 4 more days, but I'm impatient. I knew that probably meant that the test was going to be negative, even if I was preggers, but I was getting too impatient. 3 minutes later...I got that little plus sign. I cried. I am so excited, so happy... and so scared.

2 comments:

  1. Congratulations!! You have already been through the ringer!! It's funny how it some times just happens! I look forward to following your journey! I found you on voiceBoks, but I think I've already been following you! Take care!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Congratulations! That's such awesome news! Sounds like a dream come true for you! Erin works at a school and we are expecting our first child in May and it's exciting! Good to have the baby in the summer :) Congrats to both you and Drew!

    ReplyDelete

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