Friday, June 29, 2012

Friday's Letters

Dear Drew,
I understand that you meant well, but asking someone who is 9 months pregnant to put on a bathing suit in front of anyone, even your parents, is just plain mean. Harassing said whale-esq pregnant woman into going swimming just took it a step further. Hopefully my sobbing, moping phone call has hammered this lesson into your head.


Sincerely,
Your fat wife, who wore a bathing suit in public at 37 weeks pregnant, just to make your happy.




Dear baby girl,

Stop attacking my ribs!!! They are sore, and actually not intended for your kicking pleasure. If space in there is so tight, get out and THEN stretch.

Love,
Your bruised and battered Mama.


Dear Maine,


I've had enough rain and thunderstorms to last, oh about three more years. Bring back the sun and the warmth.


Thanks,
The albino preggers


Dear Fynn,

I know I already wrote you one letter today, but I have more to say to you. Last week I gave you kudos for your attempts at making an exit... but you seem to have taken that as an excuse to slack off... I thought I made it clear, I want you out. So hurry up.  This week we were dilated the same as we were last week. That, my dear, is NOT progress and this Mama wants progress. We go in again Tuesday, I expect to see some progress, if not your beautiful face, by then.

Sincerely,
GET OUTTTTTTT


Dear creepy neighborhood teenager,

I don't get it. You walk the loop of our neighborhood about 10 times a night... it's sketchy. I don't know if this is some teenage emo thing, or if you're casing the neighborhood... but it's weird. Doing it last night without any shoes on? Made it even weirder. You come near my baby or dog, and things will get ugly. Consider this your fair warning.

Thanks,
Your creeped out neighbor

3 comments:

  1. I loved reading this!

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    have a great weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ohhh this is too precious about your baby girl (as irritating as it is to get kicked at!)

    Loving your blog, lady! Stop by and say hi sometime!
    www.dysfunctionaleverafter.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. Reading this made me laugh! It definitely made my morning. I have enjoyed reading some of your blog posts this morning and I am now a follower via GFC. Congrats on your new addition! Also, you little pup is super cute. I have a spoiled little pup too. :)

    Have a great Sunday.

    Julie

    ReplyDelete

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