Monday, June 18, 2012

Summer Guilt

Vacation has begun. School ended on Thursday, and I thought I would feel relieved, relaxed, and excited for an entire summer off.

Instead? I just feel guilty.

I'm not working this summer. This is the first summer since I've been old enough to have a summer job, that I haven't been working... and I feel like crap about it. Logistically I know it's the only practical way to do things. I get it. I'm 36 weeks pregnant. At the most I could hold down a summer job for 4 weeks this summer, and then have to leave. No one is going to hire someone this pregnant for just for weeks. I get that... but I feel like such a slacker. 

Until the baby arrives... I'm just a bum. I mean yeah, I'm getting stuff done around the house, spending some quality pre-baby time with Miss Zoey... but I'm not earning any money and that makes me feel like I'm not pulling my own weight around here. Which is stupid, since I'm still getting my biweekly paychecks from school, but we've always had my summer checks on top of it, and now we don't. 

This morning, as I watched Drew get ready for work, instead of feeling relieved that I could lay in bed a little longer, or that I didn't have to put on make up... I just felt guilty. Poor Drew had to head to work as usual... and I'm just going to chill around here for the next couple of weeks. My biggest plan this week? My OB appointment on Friday morning. Woo-hoo, exciting! 

My plan? Be as productive as possible. Yeah, I'm going to take extensive naps...just being awake these days is exhausting, but I'm going to do my best to get stuff done around the house. Cleaning, organizing, finishing thank you notes from my second baby shower... I'm just going to do all that I can to be busy and contribute.

But, I still feel guilty. 

1 comment:

  1. Don't feel guilty! I did that to myself before cruze was born and pushed myself to do too much around the house plus I didn't let myself completely relax. If I could go back in time I would sleep all day and take advantage of that time. You have a BIG job coming very soon. :) it is as amazing as they say but tiring especially at first.


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