Saturday, November 10, 2012

...but excuses are so much easier.

I'm still carrying around 13 pounds of baby weight. (hangs head in shame)

I know, I know, I shouldn't beat myself up because it took 9 months to pack on the pounds so it is going to take awhile to get it all off.

Except? If I wasn't so lazy/stupid/fat, most of that extra weight would be gone. And instead of fixing what I hate about myself, I'm just making excuses.

Okay, let me back up a bit 6 weeks postpartum I got the go-ahead to workout again. The next day I popped in some Jillian Michael Yoga Meltdown and had me a great workout. I felt awesome!motivated!excited! and then? Certain stuff hit the fan. That one workout made my milk supply drop faster than a teenage boy's pants on prom night. And then it took almost a whole week to get back to normal. A whole week of power pumping, using frozen milk to feed the bitty and having the bitty fuss at me at every meal because there just wasn't enough.

At that time I decided to be reasonable and put my vanity on hold for the health of my baby. Who cares if I had the extra weight? She was less than 2 months old, it was expected. That's legit... right?

But here we are at 4 months postpartum. And I'm still not working out. In fact I'm not even really walking anymore because I don't have time in the morning and by the time I get home at night it is too dark/cold to go for a walk. Part of the lack of exercise is fear that I will affect my milk supply again. However, if I'm being perfectly honest, part of it is that I'm just being lazy. I'm tired, and when I have the time to workout, I just don't have the motivation. I just want to sit on the couch and relax for a bit. 

Then I thought about tackling the food part of this fatness issue. I've made a little improvement on this front, but I still eat like I'm pregnant. I don't think about calories, or the fact that it's my 3rd peanut butter cup of the morning (Halloween was sooo not my waistline's friend). I know this needs to stop. I know that I can't go on a strict diet because I'm nursing, so I've used that as an excuse to just ignore healthy eating habits all together... so not cool. 

Thus, here I am. Squeezing into size 8 or 10 pants while my size 6's mock me from the closet. Constantly feeling like my flab is hanging out or that I have to pull at my shirts so they better cover me up. I hate my body. I hate how it looks, but more I hate how it feels. It doesn't feel like me. I was in the best shape of my life right before getting pregnant. I was at my lowest weight since high school and I just felt strong and comfortable in my own body... I miss that feeling.

I know exactly what I need to do... but I just keep hoping that my problem will fix itself. That I will be one of those women for whom breastfeeding melts away all the baby weight. Or that hauling around 13 pounds of Bitty will strengthen my sausage arms. Or that all the running around I do at work all day will melt off all the junk food I shove into my face. I need to stop hoping for change and work for it... but excuses are so much easier.

Stay tuned... hopefully admitting this here will motivate me to make a positive change. Maybe. 

2 comments:

  1. Some women carry extra weight while they are breastfeeding, so when the time comes that you stop, you may find that 10 lbs just do fall off.
    Focus on whats STRONG instead of whats wrong. You are working hard, pumping at work, being a mama, to give your baby the best life. Maybe its not in the cards right now for you to eat well, or work out. Eventually you will make it a priority, but Bittie is still new. I didn't get back to PPweight until 9 months post. It feels great when you do though!

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  2. Where do I start? Well as you know I struggled with the weight thing and I still am (8 months out). For most women, breastfeeding takes it all off but for others like myself, it kept it on. I had to stop BF Cruze for health reasons and I was in complete shock when 6 pounds came off in a little over a week! I still have a few pounds to go and my body is different for sure but trust me, it'll get easier. Remember, you need more calories now then when you were pregnant. Maybe not Reeses lol but extra food.

    When you're in the middle of it, it seems like it will never happen or that it's taking too long but a year from now you will look back and realize how silly it was to worry yourself over. Give yourself a break, you made a person! Now if only I can tell that to myself and accept it haha.

    13 pounds is nothing, you really look great.

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