Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Learning {not} to fight

Drew and I have been fighting a lot lately. Okay, not "a lot" as in we're at each others throats... but we've been arguing more than usual lately and getting really frustrated with each other over stupid things and letting that escalate out of control.

I know that a large part of our arguing comes from lack of sleep. Although Fynn is only (usually) up once a night now, we're still not getting great nights sleep every night. 9 1/2 months of crap sleep will take it's toll on anyone... but to be honest I'm worse when I'm sleep deprived. I become an emotional, frustrated mess. I pick fights. I say stupid things. And I cry... a lot. 

The past few weeks it felt like we were always annoyed with each other and fighting about things that made no sense. Things like one of us would say something. The other would say it had a "tone" and we'd argue about what was said and how it was said until we were both incredibly pissed off with each other and saying things we didn't really mean. 

One of the biggest things we've fought about lately is his involvement with Fynn. I have felt since she was born that a majority of the responsibilities that go along a kid have fallen on me. Part of that is expected because I breastfeed, so he can't really help with that. He also works longer hours and doesn't have the sweet vacations that I get throughout the year... but there are a lot of little day to day things that he could help with, that he doesn't. He on the other hand feels like he does way more than I give him credit for and really doesn't appreciate my saying he doesn't (see that, I'm be objective here are trying to look at both sides of the issue).

Yesterday though, we sat down and decided that it has to stop. We made a promise to each other that we would go a whole week without fighting. We're each making the conscious effort to avoid nit-picking or snapping at each other. Not going to lie. It's hard... and it's only been a day. But this really is something that is important to us and something we need to work on, both for the health of our relationship and for Fynn. Who doesn't deserve to hear us arguing. I know a week doesn't seem like much, but it's a start. Hopefully after doing it for a week it will be more of a habit and we'll both be in a better place. 

3 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing this! My husband and I don't have a baby yet but it always good to get insight on the challenges we will face when it is time instead of just all the great things! I hope that yall are able to curb the fighting, I know I get cranky too when I am tired!

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  2. a few months ago, I so could have written this exact same post. I would often make comments to my hubs like "You do nothing" and he would respond with "No matter what I do it will never be enough" of course this escalated into fights pretty quickly every time. We started giving each other adult time outs and it has helped us a LOT. Thank you for sharing, because it is nice to know that we aren't the only couple who has been there.
    <3 Kimbra
    www.mommysrambles.blogspot.com

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  3. Oh girl... you are not alone. I remember when Cruze was 5 weeks old, he went backwards with his sleep and dun dun dun... we started bickering a lot. I realized quickly that it was the lack of sleep and we went into crazy sleep training mode. Being tired will do that to anyone, not to mention you work with KIDS all day long! I give you credit. It's hard dealing with one all day long but you have a whole class and then come home to even more work. I can't even imagine. It's great that you're both willing to work on it though. That's when you know you have the right partner. Marriage is WORK but when you're with the right person, you come out of every battle stronger. Much Love :)

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