Tuesday, February 4, 2014

I'm still scared of the night

source- I laughed... and then I realized it's true
I used to be a super, SUPER paranoid person. As in Drew and I slept with our bedroom door closed and locked. As in I checked the locks a million times a night and was convinced every single creak and bump was someone breaking in to do me in. 

After Fynn was born I got a little better about being scared of night time. Being up every 3 hours helped me realize that there actually isn't anyone in my house, and if there were I would hear them coming because there were I would hear them coming... they would trip over too many things scattered all over the floor and make a ton of noise. 

Last spring we started sleeping with our door open because we moved Fynn to her own room... I figured if I was putting her out there, I should probably be able to get to her quickly. Once we started using the woodstove this winter, we had to keep the door at the top of the stairs open to let the heat up... which meant everything was open, and I was actually okay with that. I wasn't as scared at night anymore. Yes, there would be nights when we heard odd noises and headed downstairs to investigate; checking every corner of the house with a flashlight... but those were becoming fewer and further in between.

Until recently. Lately I'm super paranoid. I'm back to hearing every single noise the house makes and being convinced my life is about to be over. I lay in bed at night listening carefully and it takes me hours to fall asleep. It's miserable, and for awhile I couldn't figure out what changed.
source- so not the point of this post, but funny nonetheless

And then it hit me. I watch too many shows/movies or read books where characters are offed or maimed... I have all these violent images and ideas trapped in my head... of course I'm bringing them out as I try to fall asleep. It makes perfect sense. Especially after reading Dark Places by Gillian Flynn... that book may have scarred me for life. I've also been watching Breaking Bad on Netflix lately, and that's not exactly rainbows and unicorns now is it?

Hard as it is, I'm trying to cut back now... watch things that are a little less gory, and I'm not going to read anymore Gillian Flynn books... while they're amazing and interesting and full of twists and turns... they're also very descriptive, that that's clearly not working for me. 

4 comments:

  1. AHHH I worry about this EXACT thing. I am such a paranoid sleeper and we also sleep with the door closed and fan running. I'm always worried about what will happen when we have a kid and need to keep the door open. Freaks me out! Plus the dog barks at every little noise.

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  2. 198739857375 points to you for using the expression "do me in" hahaha. I think the only other time I've heard it used was in My Fair Lady! But I am also a really paranoid sleeper...falling asleep is so hard for me because I always feel like someone is watching me. It's ridiculous.

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  3. Im paranoid too. I sleep with a night light ;) but I like all of the doors open so I can hear lol. I watch way too much crazy tv too.

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  4. I am the same exact way. I am always laying in bed listening for things. The fact that I have to get up with my son in the middle if night means nothing. I'm always listening!

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