Monday, February 16, 2015

The strangest feeling

Last Friday was a weird day for me. It was the Friday before February vacation, which usually means "friendship celebrations" (because obvs we can't just call it a Valentine's party", cards from my kids and the excitement of an impending week off.

The countdown my students had going on the board for the
past 3 months... usually there's a happy face too, but I think the
 reality of being less than 20 days away was
hitting some of the kids pretty hard. 
All those things still happened, but there was also the distinct possibility that it was going to be my last day before maternity leave. My long-term sub came in all day Thursday and Friday to the get the lay of the land and get to know my kids. 

So it just felt... like an end. Except maybe not. 

I might be heading back to work after vacation for a day, or even a week. A big part of me doubts it, since my doctor thinks it will probably be this week, and Fynn was born at 38 weeks 3 days... which is the day after tomorrow.

I went through the whole day with kids hugging me and saying good bye and other teachers wishing me luck. It was weird. And unsettling. And felt fake. I felt like I was saying my goodbyes without it really being goodbye. 

Part of me hopes it is this week, I'm ready to be done being pregnant and if it happens this week I don't have to worry about my water breaking in front of my kids (omg this has been my biggest fear for weeks now!) or making sure I call school asap to let them know, not to mention I feel like we had our closure and going back after vacation would just be weird... I was already making people feel uncomfortable last week as I waddled down the hall.

The other part of me does not in anyway feel ready to have a baby right now. Too much to do before he gets here. 

As always though, babies do what they want to do... so I guess I just have to wait and see.

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