Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Gaining confidence as a mom of 2

...but not too much confidence, don't get me wrong.

I must say though, I'm getting better and better at this 2 kid deal. Instead of panicking at the thought of a whole day alone with both kids; it's just kind of the norm. Drew works long days and does side jobs on the weekends, so I've gotten a lot of practice managing the two of them, and have even gotten ambitious lately and done several outings with both kids. Last week was the first time I started to feel like I was getting into the grove of things. We made it to library story time (on time!), did the grocery shopping, baked cookies, cleaned the house, and I even managed to have dinner ready when Drew got home a couple of days.

Babywearing has been my savior through this. Being able to wrap B up while I get things done or play with Fynn makes it all possible. Not to mention it was a game changer at the grocery store. Drew makes fun of me, because I now have five baby carriers, but he can't deny that they work!

I mentioned back in January, how I was obsessing over babywearing, but now that Bentley is here, I'm seeing how useful it is. Right now my mei tai and ring sling are my go to carriers because they're the one's that are the easiest wraps to do quickly with a tiny peanut like B, but I love, love, love my Ergo that Drew bought me before B was born. I've even done a few tandem wears with the Ergo and the Mei Tai when both kids are needing some snuggles and I'm needing to get something done.

What was the point of this post? Hell if I know... but I guess it's a combo of figuring out life with 2, and how useful babywearing is with 2 kids... yeah, that was the point.

Monday, March 30, 2015

Dear Struggling Mama

I saw you at the breastfeeding support group last week with your tired eyes, mussed up hair and the sound of raw terror in your voice. You admitted that this was your first non-doctor/lactation consultant outing with your 4 week old. You confessed how hard this all was as you teared up and eventually sobbed over your frustration. You worried aloud about the judgment you feel as you supplement with formula and how pressured you feel to make breastfeeding work, even though it's not for you right now.

We all listened in sympathy. We felt your pain. Many of us could commiserate. And we did our best to give you our words of comfort, support, and hope that things will get better.

But what I really wanted to do, as I watched you wipe away those tears while cradling your tiny baby who is the exact same age as my Bentley, was hug you.

This is hard. You know that. It's natural and beautiful and amazing, but when you're sleeping in 2 hour increments and struggling to feed you're child, all it feels is impossible. I've been there.

So Mama, though I didn't give you that hug, please know that I didn't only because I'm a complete stranger and hugging you would have freaked you out. But I hope you keep coming to group and find some measure of support, love and hope. Don't give up, you're doing great... and if you keep coming, I'm going to give you that hug.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Friday's Letters

Dear receptionist at the kids' pediatricians office,

If you're so sick that your Darth Vader impression is dead-on, you probably shouldn't get annoyed with me when I can't understand what the heck you're asking me. Also, you work in place where tiny babies with no immune systems visit, get your germ-invested butt home.

The mom who said "sorry, what? 14 times in a 8 minute conversation.

Dear Fynn and Bentley,

I've yet to figure out your secret form of sibling communication, but you seriously need to stop tag-teaming me here. There's no way that it's a coincidence that Bentley sleeps until Fynn's nap time and then wakes up as soon as she passes out... and then falls back to sleep just 5 minutes before Fynn get up. Knock it off.


Your mother, who desperately needs a nap

Dear Drew,

I'm sorry that I'm not sorry for buying a ring sling the other day... even though you pointed out that I already have 5 baby carriers. This one's blue. And pretty. And can have a baby wrapped and ready to go in seconds. And yes, I greatly appreciate that you bought me the Ergo a few months ago, but this is totally different and I swear I'll used both.

Your baby-wearing obsessed (by necessity) wife

Thursday, March 26, 2015

My days are all blending together

Yesterday I wrote about what a day looks like around here... well, a day when I only have one baby to take care of, and it made me think about my maternity leave. This is week 5 of my maternity leave, and I'm no longer sure what I've done on any given day. I know that on Tuesdays and Thursdays Fynn goes to daycare and Tuesday is the breastfeeding support group Bentley and I go to... other than that, it's a bit of a blur.

When was the last time B had a bath? Did I shower today? Or yesterday? What day did we cook the chicken sitting in the fridge? Did Fynn nap yesterday?

No idea.

In some ways it's nice. No deadlines, grad school homework, papers to grade, students to worry about, or rushing around to do. But in some ways it's unmotivating (it's a word, I promise... even if spell check says it's not). With no place to be or things to get done, I find myself unmotivated to get things done. Kitchen a mess? Meh, I can pick up later/tomorrow/never ever ever. Thank you cards for gifts brought to the hospital when B was born? Eh, it's only been a month (side note, a friend of mine had a baby shower on the 14th and I got a thank you card in the mail on the 17th... I may hate her a little bit). I want to care that I'm not getting much done... but it's hard to care when it doesn't really matter.

Besides, as I lay on the couch, I get to snuggle these two

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

A Day in the Life

Today I'm linking up with Write or Die Wednesdays to bring you; a day in my life. Here was yesterday:
Write or Die Wednesdays

1:11 am: B wakes up. Nurse while half awake then rub his back until he passes back out.

4:17 am: B up again. Nurse. Snuggle. Get major spit up down my shirt. Wipe up as much as possible before realizing that it's a lost cause and go back to sleep.

4:45 am: F yells from her room that she needs to pee. Wake Drew up to deal with hit. Lay half asleep as she comes in, kisses B, then lays down next to Drew.

5:30 am: Alarm goes off. Groan because I just fell back asleep. Drew gets up and tells me to stay in bed. He'll get Fynn ready to go. I love that man.

6 am: Fynn gets up, she and Drew go downstairs to get ready.

6:45 am: Wake up to hear Drew yelling and Fynn crying... apparently the getting ready gig isn't going well. Debate about getting up to help, but they're out the door just seconds later. Peace and quiet. Settle back to sleep.

6:47 am: Dog starts barking down stairs. Ignore for as long as possible, then just get up to take her out. Discover that she has already peed on the door mat, but take her out anyway. Clean up the pee.

7am-Nurse B. Play on iPad. Debate about eating something. Start a load of laundry.

8 am-Load B in the car and head to DD for a bagel and an iced tea that I won't have to share with the toddler.

8:10 am-Return home. Eat. Blog. Listen to book on tape. Realize after an hour that I haven't paid attention to anything and turn it off. Put wood in the wood stove. Sit in silence for a full 10 minutes, just because I can.

9:30 am- Clean the kitchen

10 am- B wakes up hungry. Feed him and snuggle on the couch while watching Parenthood on Netflix.

11:30 am- Realize that I need to get ready for our breastfeeding support group. Scarf down a Hot Pocket while getting dressed, packing the diaperbag and taking the dog out.

12 pm- Leave the house to go to my breastfeeding support group. Spend a couple of hours with some awesome Mama's.

3:30 pm- Leave group and head across town to pick up Fynn from daycare. Let her show B off to her friends for a bit. Then get back in the car for the 45 minute drive home (ugh).

5 pm: Arrive home. Explain to Fynn that she can't watch tv because she was a beast to Daddy this morning. Feed B. Start making dinner while wearing B because he's getting fussy. Fynn begs to be held. Strap Fynn into the Ergo on my back for some tandem babywearing awesomeness and finish cooking dinner. Obvs post about it on Facebook, because I'm that awesome.

6 pm: Drew arrives home just as dinner is ready and Fynn is bored of being carried. Sit down to eat with B in the bouncy seat on the table. Fynn flips about what we're having, so we send her to play in her playroom so we can actually enjoy our meal.

7 pm: Get Fynn ready for bed and lay down with her. Try to stay awake. Go downstairs and feed B again. Swaddle and snuggle him so he'll sleep for a bit, then go take a shower.

9 pm: Chill on the couch and hang out with Drew for a bit.

10pm: Attempt to go to bed. As usual, B wakes up just as I fall asleep. Begin the nightly nurse, snuggle, shush routine until he falls asleep, then pass out while praying that he sleeps at least 3 hours so I can feel human in the morning since I'm home alone with both kids tomorrow. Know that no matter what, tomorrow will end up being exhausting.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Bentley is 1 Month Old!

I know every mom says this, but how is it possible that the tiny human I had in my belly just yesterday has been in the world for a whole month now? It blows my mind, but also feels like longer. Part of me doesn't remember what life was like before he was here, he's just always been a part of our family... and another part of me feels like I gave birth just yesterday and is amazed by how quickly this has all gone by. 

This month has been full of first that are really seconds. Things we experienced with Fynn that are just so different with Bentley.
  • At Fynn's 2 1/2 year check up last Wednesday I coaxed the nurse into weighing Bentley and found out that he was a whopping 7 lbs 6 oz... and moms who gave birth to babies over 7 pounds are laughing at me right now, but just consider the fact that he's gained almost 2 pounds in his first month of life. Impressive, right? He still wears newborn diapers and clothes and a couple of the preemie outfits he wore earlier in the month still fit. For the first 2 weeks, preemie diapers and clothes were the only thing he could fit into.

  • He sleeps pretty well most nights (you know, for a 1 month old). Most nights we get one 4-5 hour stretch of sleep and one or two 2-3 hour stretches.
  • He is becoming much more alert and is awake for longer and longer stretches during the day. He makes great eye contact and I swear he smiles at Drew... and only Drew (the stinker). And yes, I know, it's too early for real smiles, it must be gas. Except it's not. He consistently smiles when Drew talks to him and makes noises. Ergo; smiles

  • Big sister Fynn is still desperately in love with her little baby. She wants to hold, cuddle and kiss her little brother all the time. When he cries she says "what's wrong with he?" and tries to get me to help him... her guess is almost always that he wants more milk. She's a bit of a mess herself; super clingy and somewhat nervous, but she loves on Bentley with all of her little 2 1/2 year old heart.

  • Bentley loves tummy time and is ridiculously strong. He can lift that big ole' dome nice and high and turn from side to side which seems like a lot for such a little dude. Tummy time is usually shared with big sister who likes to lay down with him and show him toys and talk to him- adorable.

Friday, March 20, 2015

The Randoms

We took an hour long walk this day- best day ever
(and a 4 hour nap for the toddler: score!)
  • Bentley has his first cold this week... that didn't take long. I blame the kid at daycare whose parents always send her when she's sick. Thanks a lot.
  • I watched last week's episode of Grey's the other day and bawled my eyes out about the story line with the little girl named Ruby. I couldn't stop, it was so scary and hit too close to my heart. All I could think about while watching was Fynn being in a situation like that... and then I cried harder.
  • Winter needs to end. For real. Being home with two kids is miserable when you can't go outside and all Fynn wants to do is hang out and watch tv when we're stuck inside. I've avoiding taking the kids out much because, you know, germs... ironic how that worked for us now isn't it?
  • My long-term sub up and quit last week. I can't say much about it except that it had nothing to do with my class and that I'm majorly bummed. My principal is awesome and figured out a plan before she even called to tell me, but I just hate that my kids have to go through another transition like this.
  • I'm almost done watching all 10 seasons of Friends on Netflix... what the heck am I going to do during naptime once I'm done????
  • I had this vain hope that maternity leave this time would be as productive blog-wise as it was last time... clearly I didn't account for the toddler.
  • I've officially blown through 20 days of maternity leave already. How does time fly by so quickly? B is a month old today, which does not feel real to me.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Touched Out

My life these days revolves around tiny humans needing me 24/7. I have one tiny human who literally attaches himself to my body 8-12 times a day. Another who clings to me like I'm her only source of oxygen. Then I have the tiny dog who scoots as close to me as possible, uncomfortably so, as much as possible.

I am touched out.

I have way too much physical contact throughout the day for my own comfort level. It's enough. I want some time to just be in my own skin with out anyone else there to be held, grabbed at, clung to or carried.

Do other people feel like this after a month of constant contact?

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

The anxiety as a second-time mom

Being a mom is easier this time around. I don't know if it's due to me actually having a clue what I'm doing now or because this baby is so much more laid back then the last one, but I'm not as anxious and worked up as I was before.

First solo car ride with both kids, still smiling when we got home!
With Fynn, I woke up all night long just to check that she was breathing... that was on top of the 4-8 times a night she woke up to nurse/cuddle/be a pain. I remember when she was about 2 weeks old, I had to drive her for the first time by myself. On a 20 minute drive, I stopped THREE times to get out of the car and check on her. Clearly I was insane. Or just really anxious. Semantics, they're really the exact same thing.

This time I still worry, especially about his breathing because we've had two legit scares where he stopped breathing, but I don't obsess about it. If he sleeps, I'm able to sleep (except that one night after he choked on his own spit up and freaked me the hell out). In the car I look in my mirror to check on him, but I've only pulled over once and that's because he made a weird gasping noise while Drew was driving and I couldn't see his face.

I'm not sure what the difference is this time. Is it the experience of having kept one kid alive for 2 1/2 years already that reassures me that he'll be fine? Is it just that the intense post-partum anxiety I experienced last time hasn't returned (or at least not yet)?. I don't know. I just feel much more in control of myself this time around. More sure that I know what I'm doing and that Bentley (and Fynn!) will be fine.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

March 2015 Ipsy Glam Bag

I was just thinking yesterday morning that Ipsy should be delivered soon, and then it was in the mailbox! I was psyched to see what was in my bag since I hadn't even peeked at my account this month.

This month's theme is Floral Fantasy, which came with a pretty flowered bag. Like most month's though, I'm not seeing how the products in this bag has anything to do with flowers.

Chella Ivory Lace Highlighter ($18)
A product designed to brighten my eyes and make me look less tired? I'm all for that since, you know, multiple middle of the night feedings and all. Also it's in an uber pale shade, so it will perfectly match the Casper-esq look I rock on a daily basis. (can you tell I'm tired and snarky as I'm writing this?). Anyway, I doubt I would ever spend $18 on a highlighting pencil, but I'm sure I'll use this.

Dr. Brandt Pores No More Anit-Aging Mattifying Lotion (~$9 for sample size)

Is the name long enough? Seriously. Why do brands do that? I love this though because I always feel like my pores are huge, so if this will minimize them and moisturize my face in one fell swoop then I'm game. I am bummed that it's such a tiny tube, by the time I see a difference in my skin (if I do), it will be gone. It's also $60 for a full size bottle which is only 1.7 oz, so even if it's the most amazing moisturizer in the world, I'm so not shelling out the cash for it in the future.

Sexy Hair Soy Renewal Crème Oil (~$5.50 for sample size)

What's the deal with oils lately? It seems like every hair product has argon or coconut oil in it... doesn't that make your hair look greasy? I'm going to try this (on a day where I'm staying home... just in case) but I have such fine hair that I'm really afraid putting any kind of oil on it will just make it look like I haven't washed my hair in a week. I may be on maternity leave and not exactly the most glam creature on the planet, but I do manage to shower daily AND wash my hair :) Are there other people with super fine hair that have found products like this beneficial? I'm curious to see if it works well.

NYX Butter Lipstick in Little Susie ($6)

I got their butter lip balm in a previous Ipsy bag  and loved it, but I'm not feeling this shade. Way too bright and out there fore my style, I would have loved something more neutral. That said, the feel of this lipstick is just as smooth and awesome as the lip balm I tried. It really does go on like butter and feel smooth for a long time (or at least until I went to bed last night and wiped it off).

http://www.marskcosmetics.com/product/lucky-penny-mineral-eyeshadow/marsk Mineral Eyeshadow in Lucky Penny ($22.50 for 1.2 oz size... I'm not doing the math to figure out how much my .04 gram sample size is worth.

Alas, I almost always get some type of eyeshadow in my Glam Bag which is fine except I really don't wear eyeshadow much and I've put that in my style profile multiple times. At least this is a shade I would actually wear on the rare occasion I do wear eyeshadow.

I love my glam bags every month, especially the fact that I get to try new products that I would never spend that much money on otherwise. I only pay $10 a month and this month I got over $40 worth of products- totally worth it. This month they redesigned their website, and I'm not loving the new set up, especially since it now looks like I don't earn points for people using my referral link, it now makes me personally invite people; lame. So if you're interested in joining Ipsy, let me know and I'll send you a referral link.

Friday, March 13, 2015

I REALLY want to workout

I mean I really, REALLY, REALLY want to workout. So weird.

I miss this body. And the post-run high
The last couple of months of my pregnancy I felt too awful to miss exercise, not to mention just moving my behemoth body around throughout the day was enough of a workout. Since the day after B was born, I've been dying for that muscle-aching, lungs-burning, sweat-drenched exhaustion that can only come from a great workout.

I miss running. I miss my T-25 workouts, I miss yoga and cardio and resistance training.

I'm being good, and trying to wait the requisite 6 weeks to let my body heal, but my recovery has been so easy this time around that I just want to get back into shape and moving again.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Now that we've had a boy: Top 10 things people feel they need to say

Since we found out we were having a boy, people have felt the need to make some... interesting comments regarding our family, my pregnancy, and babies in general. Some made me laugh, other's really bothered me, but mostly they made me shake my head at what other people feel the need to say.
Another awesome family pic from Erin

10) Oh, I knew it! You were carrying low/all belly/my sister's ex-boyfriend's aunt was sure it was a boy.

Yes, because clearly those are all perfectly valid reasons for me to trust your gender prediction.

9) Hubby must be so happy!

Because another girl would clearly have been a disappointment and men only want sons... right.

8) Fynn must be disappointed.

Because the 2 1/2 year old who has no concept of gender really gets what it means when we tell her the baby is a boy.

7) You have the perfect due date for a teacher

Okay, not gender related, but a comment I got repeatedly throughout my pregnancy. People either did the smug smile as they applauded my excellent planning skills or the marveled at the sheer coincidence of a March baby... all of them are wrong though since he came in February and I'll be going back to work in June... clearly things didn't work out as perfectly as they could have.

6) This is the perfect age gap

Thanks. I kinda sorta maybe planned it that way. I know most people leave the huge decision of when to have children completely up to chance, but I'm one of those weird people that actually thought about if first.

5) Boys are so special!
Because girls are scum... thanks for letting me know

4) Now they won't have to share toys

Umm... say what? These two are going to share a lot of stuff in their lives and toys is a great start. Why on earth would I buy 2nds of toys just because Bentley is a boy? Yeah, I'm sure he'll get plenty of toys of his own; and Fynn will end up stealing them.

3) Now you can get rid of all the pink stuff

Because clearly we're doing having kids?

2) You have the perfect family now.

Clearly families without one boy and one girl are imperfect and wrong. Another head scratcher here.

1) Now you don't have to have any more kids!

Because I had to continue to keep having them until I had one of each gender? What if I have the desperate desire to go all Duggar-style and pop them out every 9 months or so? What if I really, REALLY wanted to have 2 (or 5) girls and now my plans for starting the next girl-band are dashed?

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

The pride only a breastfeeding mama can feel

Last Tuesday I went to my breastfeeding support group for the first time. As moms were talking about sleep training and latch issues, I quietly stripped B down to his diaper and put him on the scale. The kid weighed 5 pounds, 14 ounces. Which doesn't sound like much, but it was a whole 7 ounces heavier than he had been at the pediatrician's office a week before.

SEVEN ounces.

As the sole producer and provider of food for this kid; I couldn't help but give a little squeal of excitement. One that all the other Mamas in group could completely relate to- nourishing your baby and helping him grow with only your own body is a heady, empowering, and sometimes frightening place to be in, so when you have those moments of success, that evidence of achievement, it's pretty much one of the best feelings in the world.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

I had a baby, and now my toddler is a mess.

I know my post yesterday seems contrary to the title of this post, but bear with me, it does make sense.

Fynn is an awesome big sister. She loves on "her baby" as she calls him and is constantly worried about whether he's happy or hungry. She wants me to attend to his cries the second he makes a peep and loves to rub his head and talk to him. She is as good of a big sister as I could have asked for.

However, she is a mess in other aspects, and I'm sure it has to do with all the changes around here. Fynn was a good sleeper up until he was born; went to bed relatively easy around 7:30 every night and slept until 7 or 8 in the morning if we didn't have to wake her up to go to work. Now she's fighting every part of her bedtime routine, screaming at us the entire time, and taking twice as long as usual to fall asleep. She's also waking up in the middle of the night, sometimes needing to come to bed with us before she'll calm down and waking up around 6 again.

Besides sleep, she's just not as happy as she was just two weeks ago. She's clingy and nervous and seems afraid we're going to leave her. She begs to sit in my lap and will often climb on me when Bentley needs to nurse. She throws random fits that aren't the same "terrible twos" fits that she had a few weeks ago. These are angry and frustrated fits that make me feel awful.

I know this is all an adjustment for her; her whole world has been turned upside down, but I can't help feeling guilty and horrible that we're putting her through al this emotional turmoil. I'm not sure how to reassure her that things will be okay, that life will return to a new normal, and that she's still my baby. I try to tell her these things, but she's not ready to make sense of it yet.

I guess I just have to keep loving on her and giving her extra attention to help her through this hard time. I know it's a normal reaction to all the changes, but man is it hard to see her like this.

Monday, March 9, 2015

Fynn meets Bentley

One of the best parts of Bentley's birth, was when Fynn met him. She had been talking about the baby for months, and finally meeting him was a huge moment for her. Drew's parents brought Fynn to the hospital just a couple of hours after he was born. When she entered the room she made a beeline for Drew who was holding him at the time. She was just in awe. Staring at him, touching his head, and begging to hold him. We had her sit in a chair to hold him, and clearly we weren't fast enough handing him over because Fynn started clapping her hands and reaching out all gimme gimme gimme

Her face while holding him just melts my heart. Right away she called him "my baby" and flipped out when the nurse came in to check his lungs (he had a lot of fluid in them due to being born so quickly). I think the only thing that got her to leave the hospital that day without flipping her lid was that Drew's parents were taking her to McDonalds for lunch; this girl loves her some French fries.

Since Bentley was born, Fynn's love fest has continued. She wants to hold Bentley all the time, loves touching his head and checking on him and is very concerned every time he makes noise. I am so glad that she is loving on him so much. I know the process of becoming a sister isn't going to be all sunshine and daisies, but she's done a great job so far and I know that, no matter what, she really loves her little brother.

Friday, March 6, 2015

Bentley's BIrth Story- Part 3

Since I'm nothing if not verbose, you can read Parts 1 and 2 to get caught up on the birth story so far.

We took the elevator up to the labor and delivery floor where a hilarious nurse asked me to sign papers, realized that was so not happening, and allowed Drew to sign me in. Drew then wheeled me into triage so they could check my progress. After all the water in the car, I desperately had to pee, so I asked the nurse if I could go before they checked me. She laughed and said "just don't push". Whatever. I went into the bathroom... and then realized I had to push. I yelled to the nurse (sidenote: they let me into the bathroom BY MYSELF at this point AND closed the door... what were they thinking?) who came sprinting in. I was half bent over as I heard her say "yup, there's the head".

I guess we were in business. The next couple of minutes are kind of a blur, but from what I remember they laid me on a stretcher, covered me with a blanket, and sprinted me down the hall to the delivery room while several people yelled at me not to push and to hold on. Did they not realize I was trying as hard as I could? We got to the room, and I somehow moved onto the labor bed and then begged to push.

A few agonizing moments later, and Bentley was here. All 5 lbs, 10 ounces of tiny baby. The doctor laughed and asked the nurse how long this had all taken. She said I had arrived 8 minutes earlier.

That's right people. EIGHT minutes. If Drew's parents had taken a few more minutes to get to our house. Or I had waited ten more minutes to wake up Drew (which I had debated about because I wasn't sure it was really labor) or if Drew had parked in the parking garage like I told him to- this kid would have been born in the car... or in the parking garage... scary.

The next couple of hours were spent actually admitting me to the hospital, checking on B (who was perfect, though tiny) and texting everyone we could think of with the news. Now that it's over, it's hilarious how quickly it all went down. From the first contraction at 12:40 AM to baby at 3:26 AM, it was a birth story worthy of retelling; which apparently the hospital staff did, because every nurse and doctor we saw in our two days there knew all about Bentley's grand entrance.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Bentley's Birth Story- Part 2

If you missed the beginning; read how labor started with Part 1 of Bentley's birth story. Otherwise, continue on.

Okay, so Drew's parents arrived, and we headed out to the hospital. Oh, did I mention that we now live 45ish minutes away from the hospital, and that by the time we left my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart? No... probably not important anyhow.

The entire ride to the hospital I was working on my deep breathing and trying not to concentrate on the pain. As much as I had planned my labor out to the nth degree with Fynn, I actually hadn't thought much about labor this time around... stupid, stupid. I knew I wanted to go for an all natural labor again this time, but I hadn't thought about labor breathing or any other labor techniques, except for food- I had Sour Patch Kids and chocolate-covered almonds in my bag- the important stuff.

The closer we got to the hospital, the closer the contractions became. I stopped timing them about 5 minutes into the ride because they were almost on top of each other and it was kind of freaking me out. Luckily, it was 3 AM, so there wasn't much traffic beyond the plow trucks and dump trucks that were trying to remove some of the snow... we may or may not have gone through a couple of red lights.

Oh, did I mention the other stupid thing we'd done? We hadn't practiced the drive to the hospital from the new house... so when we got into the city, we couldn't remember which way to go. Now, this is nothing new to me- in labor or not I would have had no idea where we were, so this was all on Drew. We didn't drive around much, but I was a little panicked for a moment when I thought we were going to be lost and I was about to die.

The contractions this time around were SO much stronger than  last time; I was a mess and on the way told Drew that I was maybe, kinda, sorta, need something to take the edge off the pain if this was going to go on for another couple of hours.

By the time we reached the hospital, the contractions were back to back and I could barely breathe. However, I still told Drew to go ahead and park in the parking garage- I could totally walk from there. Good thing Drew knows I'm an idiot and didn't listen to me. He pulled the car up to the front entrance and just left it there as he helped me inside. Right as we got through the doors, I had another huge contraction and had to lean on Drew just to keep from falling over. I must have scared the security guard on duty because he sprinted over to the doors with a wheelchair which I happily collapsed into.

All I had to do for the next couple of minutes was breathe and ride in the wheelchair. Easier said than done, but I managed.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Bentley's Birth Story- Part 1

All along in my pregnancy, I assumed B would be born early. Fynn was 11 days early and everyone kept telling me that second babies usually come about the same time as first (except one woman I work with who told me about her first being a week or so early and her second about 2 weeks late-she scared me). I figured B would be born around 38 weeks, just like Fynn, which would put me in labor during February vacation. Therefore, I made sure my sub plans were ready, my long-term sub had been in my classroom, and everything else at work was ready as thought I wasn't coming back after break. I also worked towards having everything at home ready for baby by washing clothes, organizing baby gear, etc.

Then 38 weeks came. I went to my check up, found out I was only 2 cm dilated (and had been for two weeks), which meant I wasn't making any progress. By Thursday of vacation, I was started to wonder about going back to work on Monday (and thinking how miserable it was going to be to try to be an effective teacher while feeling like absolute crap.)

Friday morning, at around midnight, Fynn woke up screaming in the middle of the night. We had no idea why, but she ended up curling up in bed with me for a bit and rubbing my belly, which wasn't really unusual, but she was being weird about it. While she was laying with me, I felt a huge pain that kinda felt like I remembered contractions to be, but it also felt off. I put Fynn back to bed and realized I didn't feel great. I was crampy and felt achy. I tried going back to sleep, but had 2 more "contractions" within minutes of each other, so I decided to get up and time them. I told Drew I was heading downstairs, and in his half-asleep stupor he informed me that tonight wasn't a good night to have a baby "just saying". Duly noted.

Once I got downstairs I realized I felt even worse. I quickly downloaded a contraction timing app for my phone and started keeping track of the "contractions". Honestly, they didn't feel like contractions to me. They felt like I was having some type of food poisoning- way different than how I felt with Fynn. After about an hour of timing, I realized I had just had 6 contractions in 50 minutes... and they were ranging from 3-5 minutes apart. I knew I should probably call the doctor/Drew's parents, but I felt like I was overreacting... I didn't FEEL like this was labor.

Nevertheless, I went back upstairs and woke up Drew. He called his parents while I called the doctors office. While I waited for the doctor on call to call back, we started getting ready to go. We got dressed, threw last minute things into our suitcase, and changed the sheets on our bed so Drew's parents could sleep there when they arrived. For some reason, I grabbed a teeny-tiny preemie outfit that my mom had bought the week before. I had laughed when she gave it to me, but I figured he might be little like Fynn, so I brought it along.

As we waited for Drew's parent to show up (they live 35 minutes away), we scrambled to make the house look somewhat presentable. By we, I mean Drew ran around like crazy while I clung to the kitchen counter focusing on my breathing and trying not to keel over. This was definitely labor, and contractions were only 2 1/2- 3 minutes apart. I started to worry that Drew's parents wouldn't make it in time. Drew grabbed the car seat out of the other room (yep, still hadn't gotten it in the car), and I asked him if we could go wait in the car.

I'm not sure exactly what time his parents arrived, but by 2:40 we were in the car, on the way to the hospital. Between contractions I texted Drew's mom and was chugging water to avoid hydration because I did NOT want to have an IV this time for fluids. I remember laughing with Drew in the car saying that I was going to punch someone if we got to the hospital and found out I was only 3 cm along.

If only...

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

February Reads

Guys, I read two books in February. TWO BOOKS. I am beyond ashamed of myself and have decided that I'm going to devote as much time as possible this month on reading. No more Friends marathons on Netflix (okay, maybe a couple of episodes) and no more whatever that other crap is that I've been doing instead of reading.

16.  Wedding Night by Sophie Kinsella

I picked this book because another blogger (and I can't for the life of me remember who!) said they read it and it kinda sucked... so in my world it made sense that I would read it. I totally got what I deserved here. The book was okay, but ridiculous and predictable. Basically a girl thinks she's about to get proposed to, but when her boyfriend doesn't propose she gets all worked up, dumps him, and then marries a guy she knew 15 years ago but hasn't seen since. Sounds brilliant, right? Like all Sophie Kinsella books; it's either dumb or cute. You can guess which category this fell into.

17. Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty

I read Moriarty's The Husband's Secret a few months ago and couldn't put it down. This book started a little slower, and there were pieces I didn't love, but about halfway through it because everything I hoped it would. Like The Husband's Secret, this book involved a LOT of characters, so it can be a challenge to keep everyone and their stories straight, but when it all comes together it's pretty intense and mind-blowing. When I finished the book I tossed it on the bed next to me and yelled "ohmyfreakinggod!"- Drew wasn't impressed since it was 1 am and he was sound asleep.

What are some books I should be checking out in my re-devotion to reading?

Monday, March 2, 2015

My first ever real surprise party

Weeks ago, probably mid-January, Drew asked me if I wanted to go to a Superbowl party with people he worked with. I agreed, since he seemed excited to go (so unlike him) and figured it would be awkward and I would spend the entire time wrangling Fynn in front of strangers... the things we do for the ones we love.

As the party got closer, I asked for details. Who, what, where... did we need to bring anything? He had answers for all my questions and again, I wasn't really looking forward to it.

Superbowl Sunday arrived, and I double checked what time we needed to be at the party. Drew said 1, so we'd probably leave around 12:15. (Does the timing raise a red flag for you? Totally didn't for me... can you tell I'm not a football fan?)

We headed out and I soon realized we were near my friend from work's house. Drew asked where exactly she lived and I told him the best I could, laughing as he said that the party was right on the same road. What were the odds (Are you laughing yet? I was completely clueless).

We turned onto my friend's road and I was all "There's Val's house". And Drew turned in. I turned to him and said "oh, does your friend from work live in an apartment? What are the odds that your friend would live in the apartment attached to my friends house?" Drew just smiled. I was still clueless.

As I got out of the car I was thinking about stopping at Val's house on the way to the apartment to say hi and laugh about the coincidence... and then I saw another of my friends from work pull into the driveway. And it hit me. I turned to Drew "are you messing with me?" (okay, I totally didn't say messing, but I try to keep this blog pretty PG).

Other friends showed up in the door way, and I realized I had been had. I had no idea that they were throwing me a party. And they were so excited to have pulled one over on me. Not going to lie, I'm super impressed with Drew's ability to pull this off without letting anything slip- usually he just tells me and says to act surprised.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Happy Due Date

Happy Due Date to me. Just like last time, instead of being 40 weeks pregnant or going into labor today, I have a 10 day old baby. Works for me. Thanks Bentley for being an overachiever like your sister!

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