Wednesday, March 18, 2015

The anxiety as a second-time mom

Being a mom is easier this time around. I don't know if it's due to me actually having a clue what I'm doing now or because this baby is so much more laid back then the last one, but I'm not as anxious and worked up as I was before.

First solo car ride with both kids, still smiling when we got home!
With Fynn, I woke up all night long just to check that she was breathing... that was on top of the 4-8 times a night she woke up to nurse/cuddle/be a pain. I remember when she was about 2 weeks old, I had to drive her for the first time by myself. On a 20 minute drive, I stopped THREE times to get out of the car and check on her. Clearly I was insane. Or just really anxious. Semantics, they're really the exact same thing.

This time I still worry, especially about his breathing because we've had two legit scares where he stopped breathing, but I don't obsess about it. If he sleeps, I'm able to sleep (except that one night after he choked on his own spit up and freaked me the hell out). In the car I look in my mirror to check on him, but I've only pulled over once and that's because he made a weird gasping noise while Drew was driving and I couldn't see his face.

I'm not sure what the difference is this time. Is it the experience of having kept one kid alive for 2 1/2 years already that reassures me that he'll be fine? Is it just that the intense post-partum anxiety I experienced last time hasn't returned (or at least not yet)?. I don't know. I just feel much more in control of myself this time around. More sure that I know what I'm doing and that Bentley (and Fynn!) will be fine.

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