Monday, May 4, 2015

Why I always come last

I make excuses, but the truth is, like most moms, I put myself last. My needs come after the needs of both kids, the dog, and often my husband... because that's how I roll. And then I resent the fact that my needs aren't being met, and I become a not so nice person (ask Drew, hell tell you).

Here's what prompted this (sure to be) rambling post; A couple of weeks ago I told Drew I wanted to get my nails done. A mani-pedi to get a little break, have some me time, and because my feet were so not sandal-ready. He said he would watch the kids that weekend so that I could go, and the plan was set. Or so I thought.

As the weekend approached, Drew informed me that he needed to go finish up a side job he was working on and would be gone all day Saturday. No problem, I'd go and get my nails done Sunday instead. On Saturday his aunt and uncle texted him saying they were going to drop by Sunday morning. Drew said nothing. When I got up Sunday morning, Drew informed me that he had invited his parents over for the afternoon. I said nothing.

My bad. I should have said something... but I didn't feel like I could. Things were already done with and I was clearly not getting my nails done that weekend. I was annoyed, but figured that we would make time the next weekend. Of course, I didn't bring it up again because I didn't want to nag and I kinda sorta maybe thought Drew should be making it a priority since I've worked so hard to take care of things at home when he did side jobs and other projects around the house.

However, I kept feeling frustrated by it. Why couldn't something I wanted to do be a priority? Why did "my thing" have to get pushed aside. (and yes, I know, this is petty. I wanted to get my nails done, not exactly something super important or necessary... it was the principal of the matter)

Then I was frustrated because I didn't have any time to run, or take a nap, or do anything else that didn't involve schlepping along two tiny humans. Again though, I didn't say anything because I feel like I can't. I always have. I feel like I work so hard making sure everyone else gets what they want/need and that at SOME point, other people would think "oh hey, Amanda needs a little break too... I should make that happen".

Except no one ever thinks that. Or does anything about it. So if I want something for myself I have to make sure I make it happen. Otherwise I only have myself to blame for being frustrated.

1 comment:

  1. Your feelings aren't petty at all! It's not about having your nails done, it's about having some time to yourself which you totally deserve! I've always been pretty vocal with my husband about needing my "me time" (which is essentially the bedroom door closed and my Kindle fired up!) because I would fall over dead without it. It's hard not to feel guilty but you definitely have to do what's best for you!


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