|Just like this|
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. I have watched way too many episodes of Criminal Minds and CSI to brush that crap off.
I debated going back into the restaurant and a. waiting out the van driver or b. asking the prepubescent teenager behind the counter to walk me out. But then I went with c. look like a fool by climbing into the passenger seat with both tiny humans (the tiniest of which was strapped on my chest via Tula), locked all the doors, and performed a feat of contortionist gymnastics that would greatly impress even McKayla Maroney in order to get both kids strapped in. Note to self: maybe a minivan would make this easier. Nope, still not happening.
As we peaced out of the parking lot with two blissfully unaware tinies in the back and sweaty, heart racing Mama in the front, I noticed a guy, sitting in the back of the van, looking just as sketchy as one would expect.